Sunday, October 5, 2008

Why I Quit Teaching Yoga... and Started Writing

Deciding to quit teaching yoga has been a torturous process for me, filled with guilt, indecision, and inner conflict. I want so much to succeed and to help others, yet my body is hurting and I'm so terribly tired. For many months I've pushed myself to keep going, starting new classes when I've felt well enough, only to cancel them as my pain and fatigue symptoms flared.

Gradually I reduced my class load from 10-12 classes a week down to 4-5 classes, and eventually even that was too much. Meanwhile, I've been ardently working on my own healing, hoping to find the right combination of treatments to eliminate my flares completely -- hoping to "cure" my fibromyalgia.

Raised to succeed and to glean self-esteem from work, I felt terrible about myself for awhile. How can I quit? I've worked so hard to get here, all the training and effort, all the students and clients counting on me. Eventually I realized I'm not a failure or a bad person (saying daily affirmations has been essential!).

This illness is an opportunity to begin a new chapter of my life. It's time to stop teaching and start writing, something my inner voice has been nagging at me to do for a long time. It's time to follow Divine Guidance on a new and rewarding path, honoring my body's needs for rest and renewal while reaching out to help others. So here goes! May my self-expression be of service to you, for the highest good of all. Tikkun Olam.

1 comment:

sabina9898 said...

I've stumbled upon your blog while I was researching "yoga eugene oregon," looking for a good place to practice yoga in Eugene. This happened yesterday. Ever since, not only have I read every single entry of yours, I've also been thinking a lot about what you say. This morning, I even shared some of your words of wisdom with my husband, because they were on my mind so much. As a result of that, we had a very nice conversation while giving each other massages (an almost daily ritual).

I really like what you say. Please keep writing and know that you are not only healing yourself right now, but also others ;-)