Even Moms Need to Live Fully

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anaïs Nin (1903 - 1977)

Fear tends to paralyze me. I tend to avoid taking risks and hide under the covers, in a futile attempt to avoid bad things happening. Risk-taking, however, does not always lead to tragedy; sometimes wonderful things happen. And sometimes bad things happen even when you're home sitting on the couch -- or because you're home sitting on the couch! You may be doing something routine and familiar, and when you least expect it...WHAM-O! Yet what at first seems like a catastrophe may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you... or at least a rewarding learning experience.

Ever since I became unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 23, I have been mostly conservative in my ways (especially compared to the wildness that got me pregnant in the first place). Since fate hit me over the head with that surprise sledge-hammer, I have been mainly self-protective, sedentary, housebound, and hiding from the world that so shockingly side-swiped me. Children are a blessing, of course, and I "took the high road" and dedicated my life to being a good mother, but what a devastating shock when I was just a child myself!!

At times I've reached out from my Cancerian shell, only to scurry back into my safe haven at the first sign of adversity. I attempted to pursue a graduate degree, for example, when my son was in preschool, but gave up because I felt I was shortchanging him by being gone too much. The biggest risk that I have always been unwilling to take is to be a "bad mother." My own mother went back to work 80 hours a week when I was 9, and I swore I would never do that to my own children. So anything I've tried to do that risked my prioritization of parenthood has been short lived at best.

And now I'm 40, half my life is over, I've spent the past 16+ years playing it safe, and where has that gotten me? The kids are fine, and they'd rather interact with their computers and their friends than with me. Meanwhile, I'm middle-aged, with two chronic, incurable illnesses, and a very boring, pedestrian life that isn't much fun, isn't fulfilling, and doesn't really suit me at all! I've been living for the children, waiting for my turn to come first. If not now, when?

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-- Mark Twain.

Of course, I'm not going to abandon my kids or my husband, and I don't advise throwing the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. I'm not advocating stupid risk-taking, like having unprotected sex with strangers, ignoring your doctor's advice, or binging on junk foods. Take care of yourself, and act consciously and conscientiously. But even if you are ill, or have five kids, or had a run of really bad luck that made you scared to leave the house, get up in the morning and live your life to the fullest.

Each day is precious, and no one is getting any younger. Remember what you liked to do when you were young and carefree, and add some of that excitement back into your hum-drum life. I like: art, dance, music, writing, reading, nature, sunshine, travel, walking, hiking, biking, taking classes, learning new things, exploring, creativity, lovemaking, cuddling, flirting, talking, listening, communication, touch, spirituality, yoga, meditation, being near water, boating, playing with kids, making something new, working, playing, resting, balance and harmony. What do you like, that you haven't done in awhile?

Dare to Live Fully
Say Yes to What You Want
Experiment and Explore
Don't Be Afraid
Hiding Won't Protect You
Risking Won't Hurt You
Life is To Be Lived
Keep Your Eyes, Hands, Mind, and Heart Wide Open
Apply Yourself
Let Nothing Go To Waste
The World Needs All of You at this critical time in history.

SHINE Your Light in the World

Anita's Health Update

I'm feeling gradually better. I'm learning and growing as I heal. It's been quite an interesting process!

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin, 1819-1900

Here's what's helping:

Recent blood test results showed low iron (anemia), low protein, low thyroid, and low cortisol, which all explained my overwhelming fatigue, dryness, and intolerance to stress. I've begun adding iron supplements, protein powder, kelp tablets, and adaptagen tincture to re-balance the deficiencies, and my energy levels are gradually improving.

Vulvodynia is about 80% improved, mostly due to avoidance of any and all irritation. (Skip this paragraph unless you want all the gory details.) I've avoided most sitting. I've been rinsing with water and patting dry after urination. I've avoided any soaps, used only hypoallergenic and fragrance-free laundry detergent, and have gotten used to wearing silk slips with long skirts. I have been on a low oxalate diet and drink lots of water with a little lemon to keep my urine diluted and alkaline. Supplements include: Calcium Citrate, Magnesium Glycinate, N-Acetyl-Glucosamine, Probiotics, Quercetin, LOTS of Omega-3 Oils (Fish and Flax Oils), Vitamin E, and more.

Daily affirmations and yoga have kept my mind positive and my body limber as I've been home recuperating.

Every patient carries her or his own doctor inside. – Albert Schweitzer

Based on both my research and my intuition, I believe I am in early perimenopause, and that that is the root of my recent health problems. For example, perimenopausal hormone changes are known to cause frequent urination, vaginal dryness, and a tendency to urinary tract infections. My body is changing, and I can feel it!

At 40, my sleep is already being disrupted by hot flashes and night sweats. My mood swings are typical companions to perimenopausal hormonal swings. Hormonal changes would also explain the palpitations and anxiety I have recently experienced. And my periods vary from 4 days light to 10 days heavy, from a 21-day cycle, to a 36-day cycle, when they were always regular before. So, I'm going to try some natural progesterone cream during my next cycle, and research herbal remedies, and I will let you know how that goes.

I am working on creating a CD of healing affirmations, "Affirmations for Transforming Health." The CD will include a brief relaxation exercise following by positive statements you can listen to, to promote your mental and physical health. I plan to have it available to purchase soon. If you are interested, please send me an email at southhillsyoga@gmail.com.

The health of the people is really the foundation upon which all their happiness and all their powers as a state depend. – Benjamin Disraeli

I've been very happy about the results of our national and local elections, and feel optimistic about the healing and rejuvenation of both myself and our society as a whole.

"Yes We Can!"

Don't Try to Relax

Don't try to relax. Trying to relax is NOT relaxing, it's working! When you tell yourself, "try to relax," you're actually creating pressure, effort, and therefore, stress. So, allow yourself to relax, let yourself relax. Relaxation is the absence of effort, the absence of pressure. Allow, let go, float on the surface of a crystal-clear lake of stillness.

Learning to relax is remembering your childhood innocence -- the time before illness, pain, work, bills, parenting, errands, chores, and grown-up responsibilities. Watch a young child sleeping, their face calm, peaceful, belly-breathing, effortless. Remember your own innocence.

Everything is okay. It's all going to be fine. Nothing is more important than your health. Let go of the past -- you did your best, it's all over and done. Let go of the future -- life is unfolding and evolving naturally, it will all take care of itself in its own time.

Be here now. Be fully present in this moment. Here and now, everything is all right. Allow yourself to relax. Do nothing. Just be. You are a human being, not a human doing. Let yourself relax. Let go. Be well.

Helpful Hints:

• Accept pain as a message that you are doing something that is out of sync with your natural rhythm, or that you don’t really want to do.

• Make decisions that honor your body's needs.

• Create a new paradigm wherein you don't need pain as an excuse to take it easy and take care of yourself.

• When you help others, let it be from integrity and self-love (serve in a way that respects ahimsa towards yourself, too).

• To relax, you need to NOT do all the other things you could be doing instead (give yourself permission to do less, to REST).

• Don't "try" to relax. You can't MAKE yourself relax. Just let yourself relax.

• Surrender to your Higher Power, and Let Go.

We're All in this Together

Namasté
The Divine in me acknowledges and greets the Divine in you.

In the movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson tells his companions, who are sharing stories about their deeply painful life experiences, that "some [people] have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car….What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." It's true that comparing your pain and suffering to the supposed health and happiness of others is a sure recipe for envy, resentment, isolationism, and depression.

But really, no one's life is all "good times, noodle salad." Everyone's got something. That's right, everyone has got something. We ALL have our challenges. The wealthy, gorgeous celebrities – the supposed "beautiful people" – have their drug addictions and divorces. The smiling lady across the street is putting on a good show as she copes with her alcoholic mother or her abusive husband or her massive credit card debt. Everyone's got something.

If you saw me in the grocery store today, or in my yoga class, you'd think I was a vivacious, healthy, attractive woman, and if you were having one of your bad days, you might even be jealous of me and annoyed by my perkiness. Well, don't be. I spent all last night awake in severe pain and anguish. Don't let my smile fool you – I'm smiling to remember the sweetness of life, to try to lift my spirits. Everyone's got something, and I've got something I'm dealing with too, just like you.

Don't waste your energy going down the self-destructive path to envy and resentment. You have your challenges, yes, and so does everyone else. Maybe your friend is having a good day or week or year, but we all have our crosses to bear. They say the strongest among us carry the heaviest crosses, so really, proportionately, we're all equally challenged. Maybe next week, or next year, your happy-go-lucky friend will be the one needing your help and support. Don't waste your time comparing. Just be who you are, where you're at, and trust the process of life.

Sorry to say, it is also a mistake to get too cocky during the good times. If you're fortunate enough to be having an easy time of things lately, enjoy it, appreciate it, even revel in it. But know that life is filled with both ups and downs, and what goes up must come down. Just don't imagine yourself as categorically different from those who are currently less fortunate than you. Everyone has both good times and hard times, and everyone is human.

We are all in this together. Instead of withdrawing into an isolationist fantasy of "poor me" or "lucky me" – look around. Really look around. See the commonalities, our common human experiences. We are all raising families or part of a family. We are all doing work of some kind – either for pay or in school or at home – and trying to do our best at it. We are all trying to live as ethically as possible, within our varying definitions of what that means. From atheists to monks to zealots, we're all following our internal moral code as best we can. We are all coping with a society that is out of sync with our natural rhythms, highly stressful, and physically and emotionally toxic.

We are all in relationship with each other. We are all imperfect. We are all evolving and learning, each at our own pace. We are all beautiful. We are all struggling with challenges – some with financial stresses, some with addictions, some with illnesses or injuries, some with family dramas, some with emotional traumas – something for everyone. Everyone's got something. If you're doing well, help out someone who isn't. If you're not doing well, reach out to someone who is. All together, no "something" is too tough to manage. All together, we can handle anything.

Healing vs. Symptom Relief

Healing vs. Symptom Relief

It is important to admit you may need symptom relief – at least temporarily – to cope, to fulfill your family obligations, or to get back on your feet. But please don’t lean on that crutch forever. Symptom-relieving medication fools you into believing you’re well, when you’re actually just drugged. And when the pills wear off, you may be worse off than when you began, with side effects and a drug-addiction to boot. Take the drugs, if and when you really need them, get the shots, have the surgery, do what you need to do, get the best treatment your money can buy, for now. If you need it, it’s okay.

When I was 24, I gave birth to a son, and 6 weeks later my newborn’s son walked out on us. I coped the best I could, received public assistance briefly, got help from my family, but by the following winter, I felt very overburdened and alone. I developed a severe case of arthritis, and felt like an 80-year-old. I was in severe pain in my knees and wrists, and could not open a jar or sit on the floor to play with my crawling baby. The Rheumatologist ran tests and determined I had joint inflammation, with no known cause. Well, whatever the cause, I was unable to function. Tylenol, advil, naproxen, nothing helped. The doctor recommended prednisone, a steroid. I was vegetarian yoga practitioner who had just proudly had a natural childbirth, and the last thing I wanted was to be on such a strong drug.

I made the difficult choice to take the prednisone, temporarily, so I could feel better, and in the meantime, to learn everything I could about arthritis and natural healing. I coped with the drug’s side effects, and went to work researching and reading -- before the convenience of Google and Yahoo. I found the groundbreaking book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay, which helped me to transform my health and my life. Hay taught me about affirmations, and how each illness has a psycho-emotional source. The source of arthritis is “feeling unloved, criticism, resentment.” Well, that made a lot of sense, considering my recent abandonment by my baby’s father.

I began reciting affirmations daily, and clearing my emotional blocks to health. I found part-time child care so I could have some time to nurture my own needs and feel less resentful. And I found an arthritis diet that eliminates all nightshade vegetables (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant, and red and green peppers), that alleviated my joint pains. (See the research link here.) I was able to wean myself off of the steroids, and I haven’t needed them since.

Taking symptom-relieving drugs is a tool to give you back the strength you need to heal yourself. You may need medications at times, especially as you embark on the journey towards wellness, or when you have bad days, unexpected life-stresses, or setbacks. That is okay. Just remember that symptom-relieving medications DO NOT HEAL YOU. Only you can heal yourself.

While you’re feeling able to cope, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, take advantage of your temporary lack of symptoms and invest your energy in creating a long-term wellness plan. Read, research, and reach out for support, guidance, and assistance. And most of all, reach IN, inside yourself. Don’t give your power away to any doctor or author or expert. Only you know what you need to heal. Befriend yourself, love yourself, get to know yourself and your illness. Get to know the who, what, why, where, when and how of yourself and your illness, follow the steps to healing, and don’t give up. You can do this.

Pharmaceutical Corporate Greed: Beware

The drug companies want you to think you need them, and so do many (not all) doctors and insurance companies. Face it. Everyone and their uncle are making tons of money off you being sick. If you get well, they all lose their payroll. If we all eat healthily, exercise moderately, rest, reduce stress, and raise our stress thresholds with nutrients and lifestyle changes, we all get well. It is a sad and frightening truth that there are several gigantic multinational corporations who are in the business of insidiously ensuring that we never get well, that instead we continue to increase their profits by more and more of us getting sicker and sicker.

Link to Michael Moore's video, SICKO

It’s not so much that corporations are out to get you – I don’t personally believe in any organized, malicious corporate conspiracy – it’s just that they care entirely for their own profits and not at all for your well-being. There was a study done recently that analyzed an average corporation psychologically, and found that, by nature, corporations are sociopaths. Do you really want a sociopath telling you what to buy, what to eat, and how to live?

Link to The Corporation, such a powerful documentary!

For example, look at the billions of dollars spent on advertising, not just for pharmaceutical drugs, but to encourage us to buy and use the items which most clearly violate Ahimsa (non-harming). An unbelieveable amount of money is spent to persuade us to want, crave and buy things that we know are no good for us, such as junk foods and fast food (unhealthy diet), TV shows and new cars (sedentary lifestyle), and all the material things we don’t really need which cost money (forcing us to overwork to pay for it all).

Corporations see us as “consumers,” as purchasing units. Well, you and I know we are humans. And that we cannot, try as we might, buy health – only, perhaps, symptom relief. The only health comes from a healthy lifestyle – from changing your life, not from changing your meds, and certainly not from buying garbage you don’t need. The only healing comes from within. The only voices telling you otherwise are from those who intend to profit from misleading you, to profit, in fact, from your ill health, from your suffering. Lets put those greedy goons out of business, shall we? Let’s all get together and get well.

Symptom Relief can Help:

Some reasons you may need or want to take symptom-relieving medication:

1) Pain
Pain greatly decreases your mobility and your quality of life. Pain-relieving medications can allow you to function.

2) Sleep Disorders
Disrupted sleep disrupts your life, and can worsen your prognosis. A non-addictive, occasionally-used sleep remedy can be a life-saver.

3) Illness Progression
A progressive disease such as Multiple Sclerosis requires medications to slow its progress. Natural therapies and self-healing can be used as an adjunct to medications to improve quality of life and outcome.

You are Brave and Resilient:

Sometimes we have to make the difficult choice between dealing with medications that we hate, or dealing with symptoms that we hate. We may have to swallow a bitter pill, both literally and figuratively, and make major sacrifices in order to just get through the day. Being ill isn’t pretty. It is a Tantric path, the path of the Warrior. You are walking the tightrope between Liberation and Despair. All around you lay the pitfalls of self-doubt and self-sabotage. Give yourself credit for all your hard work. You are struggling against tremendous odds. You are brave and resilient. You will get through this. Just getting out of bed each day is a victory. Bravo!

How to Create Your Own Affirmations, in 12 Easy Steps:

I owe a great debt of gratitude to Louise Hay, author of the groundbreaking book, You Can Heal Your Life. When I picked up her book in 1994, she showed me what a powerful tool my mind is, and how that power can be harnessed for good or ill. Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way also showed me how important it is to clear out our mental blocks in order to achieve our full human potential.

I have been creating my own personalized affirmations for nearly 15 years, and have found this to be an amazingly effective process for transforming your health and life, and want to share it with everyone. Here’s how:

Everything we do, we do by choice. What we put into our bodies, with whom we maintain relationships, and how we spend each day, are all up to us. Sometimes, however, our choices are made subconsciously, and sometimes those choices are based on fear, anger, pain, and negative past experiences, which have created negative beliefs about ourselves, others, or life itself. A common underlying belief, for example, is “I don’t deserve it (anything positive).” Others are “life’s not fair” or “that will never work.” These beliefs shape the choices we make.

Emotions also shape our choices. Fear, especially – fear of success, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake – can paralyze us and prevent us from making any choice at all. Once we become aware of what our negative emotions and beliefs are – our “negative self-talk” – we gain the power to change them. Transforming negative beliefs and feelings by counteracting them with affirmations frees us to make new, healthier choices. This freedom has the power to transform our health and our lives in a positive way. Self-awareness of the motives behind our choices, and a sincere willingness to change, make anything possible.

What would you like to change about yourself? How would you like to be healthier? Identify the health condition or behavior you are trying to change – for example, “I want to be free of pain,” or “I want to stop eating junk food” – and write it clearly at the top of a page. The most effective affirmations are those you create yourself, customized to directly counteract your negative self-talk. Here’s how to create your own powerful, healing affirmations:

1) On a left-hand page of a notebook, write out all of your negative beliefs surrounding the behavior you want to change. You might declare aloud, “I am _________ (what you want to become)” and notice what negative thoughts and emotions appear in your mind. For example, if I said, “I am perfectly healthy,” my mind would shout, “I’m a mess! I’m sick all the time! I am totally unhealthy! I hate myself.” Write all that mind-garbage down.

2) Enter a state of relaxation, using meditation or yoga techniques if you know them. Or simply close your eyes for a few minutes, breathe slowly and deeply, and relax all the parts of your body, one by one, as you allow yourself to feel lighter, quieter, and calmer. Center yourself in mindfulness, stepping outside of your unquiet mind to observe your thoughts and emotions.

3) One by one, state aloud the beliefs on your list and take note of memories and feelings that come up, and write those down on the left-hand page, below the beliefs from step #1. Following the above example, when I meditate on the above mind-garbage, I picture myself as a sickly child, home sick from school for the umpteenth time, excused from recess and too weak for sports. I feel worthless and weak as I remember.

4) Be willing to release any and all of the past habit patterns that created your unhealthy beliefs. (Please do not skip this important step!)

5) Declare aloud “I hereby release any and all resistance to change. I am ready, willing, and able to change. I hereby release the memories (state them) and the feelings (state them) which created my unhealthy beliefs.” Visualize letting the past go.

6) On the right-hand page of the notebook, create an exact opposite to counteract each statement of negativity. Create a positive, present-tense, active-verb, I-statement – which directly counteracts the mind-garbage from steps #1 and #3. These are your affirmations. In our example, I would write, “I am well. My health is improving every day. I love and accept myself exactly as I am. I am no longer a sad, weak child; I am now a strong, happy adult capable of a full, rewarding life.”

7) One by one, declare out loud your new beliefs from step #6, and as you do, notice any tension, fear, grief, anger, or memories that come up, allow your feelings and let them go. Declare again, “I hereby release any and all resistance to change. I am ready, willing, and able to change. I hereby release any and all memories and feelings which created my unhealthy beliefs.”

8) Every day, when you wake up, and again just before you go to sleep, recite your list of affirmations from step #6. You may notice new negative self-talk emerging as you say your daily affirmations. If this happens, simply repeat steps #1 – 8 to clear the rest of your related mind-garbage.

9) Continue this routine daily until you can recite your affirmations easily without any internal resistance, emotions, or memories getting in the way. Your affirmations are now your new beliefs. You did it!

10)In celebration, shred your list of mind-garbage. If possible, create a ritual to dispose of it, such as safely burning the paper as you declare, “Like the phoenix rising from the ashes, I am transformed!”

11)Post your list of positive affirmations where you can see it every day, as a reminder to yourself.

12)Praise yourself for your efforts and give yourself a nice reward – you just transformed your life!

The 12-step process above has been a tremendously powerful healing tool in my life. Try it yourself and see…
and please do let me know how this works for you!
Wishing you all healing, peace, and joy!

May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be free from suffering
May you dwell in peace.

Blessed Be.

Affirmations Rule!

I find I simply MUST say daily affirmations, to counteract the negativity in my mind. If I skip even one day, my negative thinking snowballs into a self-destructive avalanche. If you pay attention to your own thoughts and beliefs, you may discover there’s a lot of negativity within your mind, too. Beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “sh*t happens” can wreak havoc in our lives, since our beliefs directly create our reality. By saying daily affirmations, we can learn to reprogram our own minds, and reclaim our ability to think and act freely and positively.

I learned to create affirmations from three classic books I read in the mid-1990s:
Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
These powerful books are enormously helpful for anyone on the path towards health, happiness, and transformation, or for anyone who wants to be. There are many other, newer affirmations guides on the market now too, so pick one that intuitively feels right for you!

The mind is a powerful tool that can be used constructively or destructively. Listen to the self-talk that runs in the background of your mind, as you work, play, and interact with others. If your self-talk includes words like “should,” “can’t,” or “bad,” you know you need affirmations to counteract your negative thinking. For example, if you say “I can’t afford that” enough times, you’ll find yourself struggling financially for a long, long time.

Sometimes self-talk is subconscious, and thus more tenacious and difficult to counteract. Journal-writing can help unearth the hidden messages we tell ourselves, and bring them into the light of awareness for transformation. For example, spilling out my thoughts in my daily journal helped me realize that deep down, I still believe I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve good things. Therefore, subconsciously, I create drama and despair, to sabotage anything positive that I don’t believe I deserve. Daily affirmations are helping to reprogram my brain and gradually unseat such longstanding negativity.

Every day now, I say aloud, “I am a good person. I release any and all need for drama, self-punishment, or pain. I deserve the Good, health, peace, and joy.” Often, such positive words are hard to say – I almost choke on them at first, as my internal resistance blocks their vocalization. So I let go and release the resistance (which may mean “feeling my feelings” as I grieve and release the past), and keep saying the affirmations, every day, no matter what. Eventually, they do come true.

Words have power. “In the beginning was the word,” so they say. All words, spoken or unspoken, are magical incantations with the potential to transform your life. Create affirmations that are customized to counteract your own internal negativity, using positive, present-tense I-statements, and watch your health and life transform from the inside out.

Abracadabra! I am well.
More on affirmations to come soon….