We're All in this Together

Namasté
The Divine in me acknowledges and greets the Divine in you.

In the movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson tells his companions, who are sharing stories about their deeply painful life experiences, that "some [people] have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car….What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." It's true that comparing your pain and suffering to the supposed health and happiness of others is a sure recipe for envy, resentment, isolationism, and depression.

But really, no one's life is all "good times, noodle salad." Everyone's got something. That's right, everyone has got something. We ALL have our challenges. The wealthy, gorgeous celebrities – the supposed "beautiful people" – have their drug addictions and divorces. The smiling lady across the street is putting on a good show as she copes with her alcoholic mother or her abusive husband or her massive credit card debt. Everyone's got something.

If you saw me in the grocery store today, or in my yoga class, you'd think I was a vivacious, healthy, attractive woman, and if you were having one of your bad days, you might even be jealous of me and annoyed by my perkiness. Well, don't be. I spent all last night awake in severe pain and anguish. Don't let my smile fool you – I'm smiling to remember the sweetness of life, to try to lift my spirits. Everyone's got something, and I've got something I'm dealing with too, just like you.

Don't waste your energy going down the self-destructive path to envy and resentment. You have your challenges, yes, and so does everyone else. Maybe your friend is having a good day or week or year, but we all have our crosses to bear. They say the strongest among us carry the heaviest crosses, so really, proportionately, we're all equally challenged. Maybe next week, or next year, your happy-go-lucky friend will be the one needing your help and support. Don't waste your time comparing. Just be who you are, where you're at, and trust the process of life.

Sorry to say, it is also a mistake to get too cocky during the good times. If you're fortunate enough to be having an easy time of things lately, enjoy it, appreciate it, even revel in it. But know that life is filled with both ups and downs, and what goes up must come down. Just don't imagine yourself as categorically different from those who are currently less fortunate than you. Everyone has both good times and hard times, and everyone is human.

We are all in this together. Instead of withdrawing into an isolationist fantasy of "poor me" or "lucky me" – look around. Really look around. See the commonalities, our common human experiences. We are all raising families or part of a family. We are all doing work of some kind – either for pay or in school or at home – and trying to do our best at it. We are all trying to live as ethically as possible, within our varying definitions of what that means. From atheists to monks to zealots, we're all following our internal moral code as best we can. We are all coping with a society that is out of sync with our natural rhythms, highly stressful, and physically and emotionally toxic.

We are all in relationship with each other. We are all imperfect. We are all evolving and learning, each at our own pace. We are all beautiful. We are all struggling with challenges – some with financial stresses, some with addictions, some with illnesses or injuries, some with family dramas, some with emotional traumas – something for everyone. Everyone's got something. If you're doing well, help out someone who isn't. If you're not doing well, reach out to someone who is. All together, no "something" is too tough to manage. All together, we can handle anything.

How to Create Your Own Affirmations, in 12 Easy Steps:

I owe a great debt of gratitude to Louise Hay, author of the groundbreaking book, You Can Heal Your Life. When I picked up her book in 1994, she showed me what a powerful tool my mind is, and how that power can be harnessed for good or ill. Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way also showed me how important it is to clear out our mental blocks in order to achieve our full human potential.

I have been creating my own personalized affirmations for nearly 15 years, and have found this to be an amazingly effective process for transforming your health and life, and want to share it with everyone. Here’s how:

Everything we do, we do by choice. What we put into our bodies, with whom we maintain relationships, and how we spend each day, are all up to us. Sometimes, however, our choices are made subconsciously, and sometimes those choices are based on fear, anger, pain, and negative past experiences, which have created negative beliefs about ourselves, others, or life itself. A common underlying belief, for example, is “I don’t deserve it (anything positive).” Others are “life’s not fair” or “that will never work.” These beliefs shape the choices we make.

Emotions also shape our choices. Fear, especially – fear of success, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake – can paralyze us and prevent us from making any choice at all. Once we become aware of what our negative emotions and beliefs are – our “negative self-talk” – we gain the power to change them. Transforming negative beliefs and feelings by counteracting them with affirmations frees us to make new, healthier choices. This freedom has the power to transform our health and our lives in a positive way. Self-awareness of the motives behind our choices, and a sincere willingness to change, make anything possible.

What would you like to change about yourself? How would you like to be healthier? Identify the health condition or behavior you are trying to change – for example, “I want to be free of pain,” or “I want to stop eating junk food” – and write it clearly at the top of a page. The most effective affirmations are those you create yourself, customized to directly counteract your negative self-talk. Here’s how to create your own powerful, healing affirmations:

1) On a left-hand page of a notebook, write out all of your negative beliefs surrounding the behavior you want to change. You might declare aloud, “I am _________ (what you want to become)” and notice what negative thoughts and emotions appear in your mind. For example, if I said, “I am perfectly healthy,” my mind would shout, “I’m a mess! I’m sick all the time! I am totally unhealthy! I hate myself.” Write all that mind-garbage down.

2) Enter a state of relaxation, using meditation or yoga techniques if you know them. Or simply close your eyes for a few minutes, breathe slowly and deeply, and relax all the parts of your body, one by one, as you allow yourself to feel lighter, quieter, and calmer. Center yourself in mindfulness, stepping outside of your unquiet mind to observe your thoughts and emotions.

3) One by one, state aloud the beliefs on your list and take note of memories and feelings that come up, and write those down on the left-hand page, below the beliefs from step #1. Following the above example, when I meditate on the above mind-garbage, I picture myself as a sickly child, home sick from school for the umpteenth time, excused from recess and too weak for sports. I feel worthless and weak as I remember.

4) Be willing to release any and all of the past habit patterns that created your unhealthy beliefs. (Please do not skip this important step!)

5) Declare aloud “I hereby release any and all resistance to change. I am ready, willing, and able to change. I hereby release the memories (state them) and the feelings (state them) which created my unhealthy beliefs.” Visualize letting the past go.

6) On the right-hand page of the notebook, create an exact opposite to counteract each statement of negativity. Create a positive, present-tense, active-verb, I-statement – which directly counteracts the mind-garbage from steps #1 and #3. These are your affirmations. In our example, I would write, “I am well. My health is improving every day. I love and accept myself exactly as I am. I am no longer a sad, weak child; I am now a strong, happy adult capable of a full, rewarding life.”

7) One by one, declare out loud your new beliefs from step #6, and as you do, notice any tension, fear, grief, anger, or memories that come up, allow your feelings and let them go. Declare again, “I hereby release any and all resistance to change. I am ready, willing, and able to change. I hereby release any and all memories and feelings which created my unhealthy beliefs.”

8) Every day, when you wake up, and again just before you go to sleep, recite your list of affirmations from step #6. You may notice new negative self-talk emerging as you say your daily affirmations. If this happens, simply repeat steps #1 – 8 to clear the rest of your related mind-garbage.

9) Continue this routine daily until you can recite your affirmations easily without any internal resistance, emotions, or memories getting in the way. Your affirmations are now your new beliefs. You did it!

10)In celebration, shred your list of mind-garbage. If possible, create a ritual to dispose of it, such as safely burning the paper as you declare, “Like the phoenix rising from the ashes, I am transformed!”

11)Post your list of positive affirmations where you can see it every day, as a reminder to yourself.

12)Praise yourself for your efforts and give yourself a nice reward – you just transformed your life!

The 12-step process above has been a tremendously powerful healing tool in my life. Try it yourself and see…
and please do let me know how this works for you!
Wishing you all healing, peace, and joy!

May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be free from suffering
May you dwell in peace.

Blessed Be.

Affirmations Rule!

I find I simply MUST say daily affirmations, to counteract the negativity in my mind. If I skip even one day, my negative thinking snowballs into a self-destructive avalanche. If you pay attention to your own thoughts and beliefs, you may discover there’s a lot of negativity within your mind, too. Beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “sh*t happens” can wreak havoc in our lives, since our beliefs directly create our reality. By saying daily affirmations, we can learn to reprogram our own minds, and reclaim our ability to think and act freely and positively.

I learned to create affirmations from three classic books I read in the mid-1990s:
Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
These powerful books are enormously helpful for anyone on the path towards health, happiness, and transformation, or for anyone who wants to be. There are many other, newer affirmations guides on the market now too, so pick one that intuitively feels right for you!

The mind is a powerful tool that can be used constructively or destructively. Listen to the self-talk that runs in the background of your mind, as you work, play, and interact with others. If your self-talk includes words like “should,” “can’t,” or “bad,” you know you need affirmations to counteract your negative thinking. For example, if you say “I can’t afford that” enough times, you’ll find yourself struggling financially for a long, long time.

Sometimes self-talk is subconscious, and thus more tenacious and difficult to counteract. Journal-writing can help unearth the hidden messages we tell ourselves, and bring them into the light of awareness for transformation. For example, spilling out my thoughts in my daily journal helped me realize that deep down, I still believe I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve good things. Therefore, subconsciously, I create drama and despair, to sabotage anything positive that I don’t believe I deserve. Daily affirmations are helping to reprogram my brain and gradually unseat such longstanding negativity.

Every day now, I say aloud, “I am a good person. I release any and all need for drama, self-punishment, or pain. I deserve the Good, health, peace, and joy.” Often, such positive words are hard to say – I almost choke on them at first, as my internal resistance blocks their vocalization. So I let go and release the resistance (which may mean “feeling my feelings” as I grieve and release the past), and keep saying the affirmations, every day, no matter what. Eventually, they do come true.

Words have power. “In the beginning was the word,” so they say. All words, spoken or unspoken, are magical incantations with the potential to transform your life. Create affirmations that are customized to counteract your own internal negativity, using positive, present-tense I-statements, and watch your health and life transform from the inside out.

Abracadabra! I am well.
More on affirmations to come soon….