New Year's Resolutions and Mid-Life Crises

"I hope and pray that in the days ahead, each of us does all we can to see that the goal of creating a happier, more harmonious, and healthier world is achieved." -- The Dalai Lama

I can see why some people buy red sports cars or run off with underage mistresses near their 40th birthdays. I feel a similar, but somewhat more ethical, urge to run off and do something wild. But instead of race cars or racy affairs, I want to do something good, really good, something bigger and (seemingly) better than being home with my kids and writing on a blog that hardly anyone reads.

I want to bust loose and contribute to the larger society, in a larger way. I want to be more and do more, though not necessarily to have more. I want to express myself and share myself more with others. In honor of my midlife crisis and the beginning of 2009, I'm brainstorming how to do just that.

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to write more -- to write more frequently, in greater quantity, reaching a wider audience, and making writing a priority in my life. Another resolution is to buy local -- supporting local businesses with my consumer dollars instead of sending my money to multinational corporations and their overseas sweatshops.

My most ambitious resolution is to begin pursuing the graduate studies that I postponed when I became surprisingly pregnant at age 23. I'm not sure yet what I'll study, but an advanced degree has been a priority since I realized that my bachelor's degree in psychology makes me highly qualified for a career in retail or as an administrative assistant (especially in a glutted college town like Eugene, where the waiters have PhD's).

Plus, I want to learn, grow, and expand my horizons beyond home and family. Teaching yoga has been a wonderful experience, but my fibromyalgiac body just doesn't want to demonstrate triangle pose three times a day anymore. The kids are getting older, so am I, and I need to find a new career.

So my winter project is to research, network, and explore possible paths into the future. An online degree program? Community college classes? A master's degree? A professional certificate? A volunteer training program?

Something to apply my nimble mind, to help others and the world, and to pay the bills once my dear, older husband retires. Something not too hard on my aching body, nor too stressful for my frazzled mind. Something I can do part-time until the kids are older. Something creative, caring, conscientious, and fulfilling.

For now, I'll write. Perhaps I'll also dip my toe into the academic waters and take a community college class. I may return tentatively to seeing clients in my Yoga Therapy practice, with ahimsa (non-harming) and moderation in the forefront of my mind.

May my process help me and everyone around me, to learn and to grow, without causing any harm to anyone. And may it show me the way forward into the future.

Happy New Year 2009 everyone!

Back on the Wagon

We all fall off the wagon sometimes, and then must somehow figure out how to climb back on. Life is a process, and often a challenging one. No one gets it right all the time. Even those of us devoted to self-improvement and healthy habits will occasionally indulge in self-destructiveness or poor choices. Sometimes an occasional indulgence devolves into a full-fledged relapse, and instead of being on the wagon, on track as usual, we find ourselves on our rumps in the mud.

That's when it's time to start over. Life is filled with second chances, and third, fourth, and fortieth chances. It is never too late to begin anew. No matter what has gone wrong, or how far off track you've strayed, it is never too late to climb back on that wagon. Whether you've broken your diet and gained ten pounds, or abandoned your exercise routine in favor of channel surfing, you can renew your commitment to health again today. Whether you've given in to the darkness of depression, or to the paralysis of anxiety, you can shake off your demons and reemerge.

"No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back." -- Turkish Proverb

I have been able to maintain excellent emotional health and worldly success for months and even years at a time. And I have, countless times, succumbed to my inner demons, lapsing into lethargy and depression, debilitating anxiety, and even suicidal fantasies. I have been as physically healthy as anyone I know, masterfully fit and strong, with a two-hour-a-day yoga practice. And I have felt as much pain, fatigue, and weakness as someone twice my age or older. Surely, I have seen many highs and lows in this life, and I understand how tempting it is to give up during the dark times.

But I'm still here. I keep working at it; I keep trying. Perhaps on a Tuesday night I'll give up on myself completely, but by Wednesday morning I wake up and try again. I lean on my husband, my friends, my family. I reach out for the assistance of holistic healers and alternative medicine. When necessary, I depend on western medicine. I rely on my spiritual beliefs, yoga and meditation practices, and faith. I lose my way, and then, somehow, eventually, I find it again. I climb out of the mud, get back on the wagon, and begin again.

As a society, we are certainly, collectively, in a very dark time. At the darkest time of the year, we are in the midst of an economic collapse of epic proportions. We are struggling at the tail end of perhaps the most destructive presidency the United States has ever experienced. Yet we will get through this. We have lost our way, yes, but together we will find our way back onto the right track.

It is never too late. Never give up. Life is a circle, and it turns like a wheel. Things will turn around again, for all of us. We will get back on the wagon again.

Live Well Now for a Bright Future

By Anita Perkins

It's How You Do It

It's not what you do, but how you do it, that matters. Acrobatic yoga poses, for example, can strengthen the ego along with the body, OR they can liberate you from self-imposed limitations and stretch you into fearlessness. It’s all HOW you do it. Even charitable giving, of one's time and energy or one's money -- even into the millions of dollars -- can be motivated by selflessness or by self-interest. Is it really charity, or just a public-relations tax write-off? It's all how you do it.

Living one's life can bring you into deeper bondage, or total liberation, depending on how it's done, and why. Intention is the key. Surrender all you do to your Higher Power. Live to grow and love and serve, and not to feed your limited ego, and you will fly.

See the Big Picture

Doing what's expedient in the short-term may have dire long-term consequences. Eating fast-food may seem quick and convenient, allowing you to be more productive today, but add up too many fast-food days, and by next year you'll be overweight with clogged arteries, and in ten years you might be too sick to work at all! (The movie Super Size Me and the book Diet for a New America are great resources about the evils of Fast Food.)

Feeding your toddler sugary treats may be expedient today, promoting good behavior through bribery or reward, but by next year obesity and cavities may be the undesired consequences, and in ten years your sweet-toothed toddler might be a troubled teen with ADHD.

So do your future self and your family a big favor -- don't just do what's quick-and-easy today. Do what's best for all your tomorrows.

Providing wisdom to its people and the inspiration for the United States Constitution, the Gayaneshakgowa (the Iroquois Constitution) urges us to:

"Look and listen for the welfare of the whole people and have always in view not only the present but also the coming generations, even those whose faces are yet beneath the surface of the ground -- the unborn of the future Nation."

As a society, we all need to be thinking, planning, and acting for the benefit of ourselves, our children, and our grandchildren into the future. See the big picture. Today's easy way out is tomorrow's major headache. Take it from me -- after being a sickly child raised on McDonald's and Poptarts, I am now lovingly cooking brown rice and organic vegetables for myself and my family, and I am finally feeling better. And you will, too! You can live well now and create a bright future of health and happiness.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Ayurveda, Crimes against Wisdom, and Forgiveness

by Anita Perkins

"Prajnaparadha" (noun, Sanskrit) -- "Crimes against Wisdom"

Charaka, the ancient healer and sage, was perhaps the first to codify the world's oldest continually practiced medical system, Ayurveda. For over 5000 years, Ayurveda has been the holistic medical system practiced by millions in India and beyond, and now this ancient wisdom is coming to the West, as a result of the popularity of Ayurveda's sister-science, Yoga.

Ayurveda, Yoga, and Tantra are a sacred trinity of systems the ancient Rishis (seers) practiced to develop the individual towards liberation. Ayurveda develops the individual's body, Tantra the mind, and Yoga the spirit. Practiced together, the individual achieves an ideal, integrated balance of physical health, mental focus, and spiritual enlightenment.

By studying these ancient practices -- Yoga, Tantra, and Ayurveda -- we can learn what is necessary to maintain -- or if necessary regain -- physical, mental, and spiritual balance.

check back: links coming soon....
Introduction to Yoga as a Spiritual Discipline.
Introduction to Tantra as a Mental Discipline.
Here is an introduction to Ayurveda.

Through the study and practice of Yoga, Tantra, and Ayurveda, we can learn what we need to do and not do, to be vibrantly healthy in body, mind, and spirit, and how exactly to achieve physical, mental, and spiritual health and liberation.

In Ayurveda, health is more than the absence of disease; it is a state of optimal wellness, of thriving. Just as consuming the Recommended Daily Allowance of vitamin C will prevent scurvy, but ingesting a larger dose will also support your immune system, Ayurveda not only helps you avoid disease, but promotes ideal wellness.

If we know how we need to behave or not behave, and yet we do not act in accordance with this knowledge, we have committed a "crime against wisdom." "Prajnaparadha" ("crime against wisdom" in Sanskrit) is considered by Ayurveda to be the root cause of all disease. "Prajnaparadha" is willfully ignoring one's inner knowing -- going against your intuition and common sense -- and is the source of all health problems. For example, eating ice cream on a cold, winter day is counter-intuitive. In Ayurveda, eating a frozen dairy product in freezing weather aggravates Kapha dosha, which leads to excess phlegm and mucus production. Really, it just violates common sense.

I've heard many yoga therapy clients, after I've interviewed them about their dietary habits, say "I know I should eat more fruits and vegetables and whole grains, but..." or "I know I should drink less coffee, but...." But, they don't do what they know they should do, and they do what they know they shouldn’t. And what happens? Their health suffers for it. Someone who is irritable and jittery and has trouble sleeping, and who knows their caffeine intake is contributing to their imbalanced health, and yet drinks a quart of coffee a day, is committing Prajnaparadha. So is the person who eats few if any fruits or vegetables or whole grains, knowing they should, and suffers from constipation (from lack of fiber) and frequent colds (from lack of antioxidants).

We create our own illnesses by violating our own common sense. Excess or deficiency of anything, especially excess of harmful substances or deficiency of helpful ones, throws us out of balance and into illness. Chronically, over time, these excesses and/or deficiencies add up, and can lead to debilitating chronic illnesses.

Even something as seemingly unrelated as choosing to work at a job you hate is a case of Prajnaparadha, and may be a primary source of your ill health. You may blame your job for your unhappiness, but ultimately, your unhappiness will manifest as illness, and essentially, your unwillingness to let go of the job you hate is a crime against wisdom. Why are you choosing to remain in a miserable situation? There are thousands of jobs, careers, schools, and job trainings out there, in thousands of locations all over the country and the world. Your rotten job is not the cause of your ill health, but your choice to work there very well may be.

And that goes for any choice you make to remain stuck in an unhappy situation, whether that choice involves work or school, home or family, or any other environment where we spend our time. Being happy is intimately linked with health, and being unhappy with illness. It comes down to this: Do you want to make a happy life for yourself, or would you rather just make yourself sick? Would you rather make yourself happy, or would you rather just make excuses for your unhappiness? There is no "can't" -- there is only "won't." "Where there's a will, there's a way."

There is only your conscious or unconscious willfulness, your own mentally created self-limitations. There is only you.

So what do we do? Beat ourselves up for deliberately violating such basic shoulds and shouldn'ts? Lash ourselves with guilt and shame for staying stuck in a dead-end job? Arrest us all for committing crimes against wisdom, and put everyone in Ayurvedic prison? Not even close. Just the opposite really: Love. More love, more compassion, from ourselves, for ourselves. Make friends with yourself. Be willing to truly know who you are, what you're doing or not doing, and why. And then team up with yourself to do whatever is necessary to bring yourself back into balance and health.

The necessary attribute for self-change is "Tapas," Sanskrit for "inner fire." This yogic concept refers to austerity, determination, and the willingness to do whatever is necessary to bring yourself back into balance and health. First, identify and acknowledge your crimes against wisdom -- your contributions to your own ill health. Then, instead of beating yourself up about it, realize your inner empowerment. Think about it -- the fact that you've helped cause your illness gives you the power to stop causing your illness. This realization brings you back onto the path of Dharma and renewed health.

Once you feel empowered to do something about your health, to take action to change how you are feeling for the better, the healing process really begins. Draw upon your inner resources, your courage and resolve, your patience and perseverance. Reach out to your family and friends, books, therapists, the internet, get all the information and assistance you can. Change your diet, change your job, change your life – be willing to let go of the past to move forward into a future of wellness. Reach down inside yourself and find the Tapas to heal yourself. You can do this!

And what should you do when you falter? Believe me, you will, my friend, because we all do sometimes -- the road to healing is rocky and paved with good intentions and backsliding -- it's two steps forward and one step back the whole way there. So, what do you do when you stumble and fall -- off the wagon, or off the healing path altogether? Kick yourself? Give up? Not even close! Love. Compassion. Be your own best friend.

Most of us treat our friends way better than we ever treat ourselves. Do we give up on our loved ones when they make a mistake? Do we berate them when they stumble, sneer at them when they fall? No, we forgive them, we cut them slack, we give them another chance. That's exactly what we need to do for ourselves, especially in the beginning, as we make our tenuous way on the challenging journey towards wellness. Treat yourself as you would your dearest and most beloved friend. Offer yourself love and compassion, a cup of tea and a hot bath, words of encouragement and support. You deserve it!

No one can heal you, only you can heal yourself. And you can only heal yourself if you are kind enough to forgive yourself, and courageous enough to stop blaming your mother, your job, the government, your addiction, and everything but the kitchen sink that is not you, and accept your own culpability in your own disease. Then, you apologize sincerely to yourself for you past transgressions, forgive yourself fully and completely, and vow from this day forward to change. You commit yourself fully to being your own true friend and partner in your own healing. And then, and only then, the true healing begins.

I need to be clear on one very important point: Even though healing yourself IS your responsibility, being ill or out of balance is NOT your fault. Yes, your actions have contributed to the outcome. Your smoking or poor diet or stressful lifestyle have contributed to your becoming unwell. But saying that is NOT the same as saying "it's your fault." First of all, it is evident that environmental factors, including our increasingly toxic soil, air, and water, contribute much more to the onset of disease than an addiction to soda pop.

Also, knowing your choices and actions contributed to the formation and maintenance of your illness is ultimately incredibly empowering. Since you helped cause it, and you have been maintaining it, you know you can stop it. You cannot single-handedly purify our global environment (although we should all work together to do that!), you CAN purify and strengthen your internal environment with healthy diet and lifestyle changes. You CAN change your life, and transform your health, for the better!

And finally, your self-awareness must come with self-acceptance. You did the best you could, knowing what you did, being who you were, in your past circumstances. You really did. You are human. You are wonderful. But you are not perfect, never were, and never will be, and neither is anyone else. And that is perfectly okay. What you were, are, and always will be, are perfectly loveable and forgivable.

So, please, don't waste time and energy blaming yourself for past mistakes. Let go of the past, love yourself, and forgive yourself completely. Self-love liberates you from repeating the self-destructive habit patterns from the past that helped make you sick in the first place. Self-love frees you to finally and fully get well.

Confess your crimes against wisdom, whatever they are, and turn over a new leaf. Begin anew with a healthy respect for your intuition, your self-care, and common sense, and pardon yourself fully and completely for the past. Today is the day to begin. Today is the day to transform your health.

How to Get What You Want

How to release your own resistance to getting everything you want

By Anita Perkins

So you really want to change, to improve yourself and transform your health? But every time you try, you fall back into the same old bad habit patterns? You can change. Here's how to get what you want, by releasing your resistance to change:

1) Feel the resistance in your body.
Where is it? How does it feel? Stay in your body, pay attention to your breath, and don't "check out."

2) Name the belief or emotion behind the resistance.
Some examples of resistance are: Fear, I can't, I'm a bad person if I do, I shouldn’t, I'm not good enough, Blame, Punishment, Self-punishment, Guilt, Scarcity, etc.

3) Counteract the negative belief or emotion with affirmations.
See How to Create Affirmations here.

4) Release the resistance.
Release the need to hold onto the negative belief or emotion, no matter what originally caused it, and let it go.

5) Accept the process.
Accept that emotions and other forms of resistance will come up as you try to change old habit patterns, and release the resistance as it emerges. Don't use emotions such as fear or guilt as an excuse to give up on your path towards positive change.

6) Be kind to yourself.
Provide yourself the love, nurturing, patience, and self-acceptance that you need during this or any life transition.

Here's an example of how these six steps to self-change work in real life:

I tend to procrastinate and then feel guilty about it. For example, I don't want to sit down and work on my writing right now, but I don't know why, or how to feel better about it.

1) I feel the resistance in my jaw. My jaw feels tight and clenched.
2) The emotion is anger. I feel anger because I'm hungry and haven't had lunch yet and I'm forcing myself to write anyway. The belief is "I can't take care of myself AND be a successful writer. If I stop to eat, I'll slack off, not get anything done, and be a loser."
3) The affirmation to counteract that belief is "I can take care of myself AND write successfully. I create an easy ebb and flow between self-care, family responsibilities, and writing. I can take breaks and do the other things I need to do, and writing will still get done. No matter how much I write or don't write, I am a good person and a success."
4) I release any and all need to believe that I must choose between self-care and creativity. I believe that I can have both self-care and creativity, in harmonious balance.
5) I accept, understand, and release my anger. I am at peace with the process of writing this book.
6) I am going to have a quick-and-nourishing meal, and then come back to work on my writing.

You can do it! You can change, for the better.

Anita's Health Update

I'm feeling gradually better. I'm learning and growing as I heal. It's been quite an interesting process!

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin, 1819-1900

Here's what's helping:

Recent blood test results showed low iron (anemia), low protein, low thyroid, and low cortisol, which all explained my overwhelming fatigue, dryness, and intolerance to stress. I've begun adding iron supplements, protein powder, kelp tablets, and adaptagen tincture to re-balance the deficiencies, and my energy levels are gradually improving.

Vulvodynia is about 80% improved, mostly due to avoidance of any and all irritation. (Skip this paragraph unless you want all the gory details.) I've avoided most sitting. I've been rinsing with water and patting dry after urination. I've avoided any soaps, used only hypoallergenic and fragrance-free laundry detergent, and have gotten used to wearing silk slips with long skirts. I have been on a low oxalate diet and drink lots of water with a little lemon to keep my urine diluted and alkaline. Supplements include: Calcium Citrate, Magnesium Glycinate, N-Acetyl-Glucosamine, Probiotics, Quercetin, LOTS of Omega-3 Oils (Fish and Flax Oils), Vitamin E, and more.

Daily affirmations and yoga have kept my mind positive and my body limber as I've been home recuperating.

Every patient carries her or his own doctor inside. – Albert Schweitzer

Based on both my research and my intuition, I believe I am in early perimenopause, and that that is the root of my recent health problems. For example, perimenopausal hormone changes are known to cause frequent urination, vaginal dryness, and a tendency to urinary tract infections. My body is changing, and I can feel it!

At 40, my sleep is already being disrupted by hot flashes and night sweats. My mood swings are typical companions to perimenopausal hormonal swings. Hormonal changes would also explain the palpitations and anxiety I have recently experienced. And my periods vary from 4 days light to 10 days heavy, from a 21-day cycle, to a 36-day cycle, when they were always regular before. So, I'm going to try some natural progesterone cream during my next cycle, and research herbal remedies, and I will let you know how that goes.

I am working on creating a CD of healing affirmations, "Affirmations for Transforming Health." The CD will include a brief relaxation exercise following by positive statements you can listen to, to promote your mental and physical health. I plan to have it available to purchase soon. If you are interested, please send me an email at southhillsyoga@gmail.com.

The health of the people is really the foundation upon which all their happiness and all their powers as a state depend. – Benjamin Disraeli

I've been very happy about the results of our national and local elections, and feel optimistic about the healing and rejuvenation of both myself and our society as a whole.

"Yes We Can!"

New Will.i.am Video Celebrates Obama Victory

New Will.i.am Video "It's a New Day" Celebrates Obama's Historic Victory!

Don't Try to Relax

Don't try to relax. Trying to relax is NOT relaxing, it's working! When you tell yourself, "try to relax," you're actually creating pressure, effort, and therefore, stress. So, allow yourself to relax, let yourself relax. Relaxation is the absence of effort, the absence of pressure. Allow, let go, float on the surface of a crystal-clear lake of stillness.

Learning to relax is remembering your childhood innocence -- the time before illness, pain, work, bills, parenting, errands, chores, and grown-up responsibilities. Watch a young child sleeping, their face calm, peaceful, belly-breathing, effortless. Remember your own innocence.

Everything is okay. It's all going to be fine. Nothing is more important than your health. Let go of the past -- you did your best, it's all over and done. Let go of the future -- life is unfolding and evolving naturally, it will all take care of itself in its own time.

Be here now. Be fully present in this moment. Here and now, everything is all right. Allow yourself to relax. Do nothing. Just be. You are a human being, not a human doing. Let yourself relax. Let go. Be well.

Helpful Hints:

• Accept pain as a message that you are doing something that is out of sync with your natural rhythm, or that you don’t really want to do.

• Make decisions that honor your body's needs.

• Create a new paradigm wherein you don't need pain as an excuse to take it easy and take care of yourself.

• When you help others, let it be from integrity and self-love (serve in a way that respects ahimsa towards yourself, too).

• To relax, you need to NOT do all the other things you could be doing instead (give yourself permission to do less, to REST).

• Don't "try" to relax. You can't MAKE yourself relax. Just let yourself relax.

• Surrender to your Higher Power, and Let Go.

Positive Birth Story... at Home!

Positive Birth Story... at Home!

We've all heard (or experienced) our share of negative birth stories. The c-section rate is astronomical (33%), and tales of marathon labors, multiple medical interventions, and tragic outcomes overwhelm and frighten us. But positive birth experiences ARE possible, and if your pregnancy is low-risk, a positive experience is more likely with a trained midwife and/or doula at your side.

Here is the positive birth story of my daughter, Sequoia, born five years ago:

The morning of my son Ben's 10th birthday, I sat on the edge of his bed, reminiscing with him about his birth, and discussing our plans to celebrate his birthday that evening. Meanwhile, I could feel mild contractions, which felt like uterine deja-vu. I didn't think much of it at the time. I was six days past my due-date, and had been having mild contractions (false alarms) on and off for about three weeks, to no avail. Ben went off to school, and I took a nap.

The mild contractions resumed in the mid-afternoon, so I called our lay midwife, Lara, to come over. We were planning a home birth, and at this point, she was making house calls. She said I was 3-1/2 centimeters dilated, but not yet in active labor. She gave me a brief cervical massage, to try to gently help things along. Like most women who have carried past their due date, I was quite ready to "get this over with"!

At 4:00 p.m., while my partner, Rob, was picking up Ben from school, I felt a warm gush of fluid. My water broke! Now we were getting somewhere. Rob came home and sat with me in our living room as my contractions intensified. All the yoga and breathing techniques I'd been practicing were VERY helpful! I was able to stay focused and relaxed as the sensations got stronger.

Lara returned, and my friend Phoebe, a doula and massage therapist, arrived. Phoebe was supposed to me at my side, but surprisingly, Rob was able to be all the support I needed. That was great news, so Phoebe could take Ben out for his birthday for some pizza and ice cream, while Rob and I focused on birthing our baby.

We moved upstairs to the comfort of our bedroom. The midwife laid absorbent pads all over the floor and bed, so I could move around freely, and then she left us to labor in peace. I mostly leaned on Rob, standing and swaying my hips, as he leaned against the support of the wall. All the daily walks and yoga practice had strengthened my legs, so I was able to stand for the next few hours and allow gravity to encourage labor to progress.

I focused on breathing slowly, grounding with the support of my partner, and relaxing into the contractions. Often I would moan, in low, steady tones. In the background, a subliminal relaxation tape played softly in a continuous loop. Labor felt like a long, intense meditation.

By around 8:30 p.m., however, I had "hit a wall." The contractions had gotten so strong I was no longer able to stay calm, and I was instead literally rolling around on the floor in anguish. I kept saying, "I don't know, I don't know if I can do this." I was in the transition phase of labor. Lara gave me some motherwort tincture in a little water. Within a short time, I had calmed down, and she went back downstairs.

Suddenly, it felt like my whole body opened up, and I could feel the baby moving down the birth canal. The baby was coming out! The intensity of feeling the baby's head crowning stunned me speechless. Meanwhile, as through most of the labor, only Rob and I were in the room, but it was time for the midwife, pronto! I shouted the only word that came to mind: "Burning!" Well, that got everyone running up the stairs.

I wanted to stand, so Rob held me under one arm, and Lara's assistant held me under the other arm. Ben and Phoebe watched from behind, as Lara supported my perineum to try to avoid tearing. Since I had torn in the front at my first birth (the nurse-midwives at the birth center had refused to let me squat, and insisted I lean back), I supported my own labia with my hand as the baby's head crowned.

In just a few pushes (with lots of low, open sounds from the big cavewoman I had suddenly become), the baby's head was out! From behind, I heard a stunned Ben exclaim, "it's a head!" (I don't think he was REALLY sure there was a baby in there until that moment!)

The baby was in an awkward position, with her right hand tucked under her left cheek. Lara skillfully maneuvered the baby's protruding right elbow out, and I did not tear. At 9:38 p.m., on my son's 10th birthday, our baby was born, on our bed, in our home.

As I held the baby for the first time, Ben asked the inevitable question, "is it a boy or a girl?" It hadn't even occurred to me to check, but then I did -- "it's a girl!" "Welcome to the world, little girl," I told her, and then nursed her for the first time, as our family cuddled in our bed. We named her Sequoia. Then I had a shower while they changed the bed-sheets and cleaned, weighed, and measured little Sequoia -- 6 lbs., 15 oz. Two children born exactly ten years apart to the day -- life is so interesting!

By 11:00 p.m., our visitors were gone, Ben was tucked in, and Rob, Sequoia, and I were snuggled in the same bed in which our baby had just been born. How wonderful to be able to give birth naturally at home! What a miracle! I believe Sequoia's positive home birth gave our family a wonderful bonding experience and healthy start.

I wish the blessings of natural childbirth for more women and babies everywhere...

Namaste'
Anita